Legend of the Mystical Ninja

Year: 1991

Format: Super Nintendo

Developer: Konami

Publisher: Konami

Players: 1-2

Legend of the Mystical Ninja is something of a significant title in the history of video game culture, despite it falling into the ‘obscure Japanese oddity’ category. You see, upon its release in Japan in 1991 (under the moniker Ganbare Goemon: Yukihime Kyuushutsu Emaki, no less), it was raved about endlessly by magazines like Super Play, who were enticed by its character, charm and sheer playability – but it was SO Japanese it would surely remain an expensive import. Well it took three years, but eventually Konami saw sense and it finally got its UK release - it went on to acquire a loyal fanbase and we’ve never looked back. Confidence from such games selling relatively well, meant companies were more open to releasing those obscure titles they originally thought too localised to see the light of day outside Japan – think Secret of Mana and Breath of Fire II on the SNES, and titles like Beautiful Katamari and Rhythm Paradise today.

So, on the face of it, Goemon is a regular if quirky little platformer, but dig deep and you realise we have a lot to thank this little gem for. But even without its heroic status in my eyes, it would still stand up as an absolute classic. Here’s a challenge for you out there, download it on the Wii Virtual Console, start playing it and don’t smile. Go on, I dare you. If you manage it, I regret to inform you that your heart is made of pure stone. As from the very first scene to the last, Goemon is packed to the rafters with cute grin-inducing moments – you just want to pick it up and give it a big hug. Goemon himself is animated superbly, with a portly frame and a mess of blue hair, and your pals, enemies and locations are all equally likeable.

The gameplay itself is part platform, part RPG, part beat-em-up if there is such a thing. Waddling around the levels, smacking your enemies into oblivion is the main order of the day, but there are adventure-style elements to work out, and many a shop to enter and indulge in - one such shop has the whole first level of that other Konami classic Gradius to play! (I hate using the exclamation mark but seriously, if this doesn’t deserve one you may as well ban exclamation marks altogether). Japan-themed tunes bounce along merrily in the background, and the graphics are extremely vibrant – full of life and oriental charm. This game couldn’t be any more Japanese if it came doused in wasabi sauce and the cart came scented with cherry blossom.

The Goemon series is still ticking over nicely. Based on a long-running anime series - it saw releases on the NES prior to Mystical Ninja and has spawned nearly 20 different games on various formats since. Yet none quite match the charm of this amazing little game (shown by the fact only one other title subsequently got a UK release – Mystical Ninja on the N64). Spend a few quid and track it down or download it – you won’t be disappointed. Oh, and if you failed the smile test earlier – play it two-player, climb on Goemon’s back and let him carry you round the level, whacking people carrying big fish. There you go, I knew you had a smile in you.

Why Did I Car Boot These?! (Part Two)

Cloud Master (1989, Master System, PC Engine & NES, Taito, 1 Player)

You gotta love Taito, first they bring us Bubble Bobble and other well-known classics like New Zealand Story and Operation Wolf and Chase HQ and...(list goes on), but they also are a dab hand at the "classic little game that no one remembers" niche. One such example is Cloud Master, a sideways scrolling shooter where you control a little boy on cloud funnily enough. My Master System overheated terribly thanks to this little gem alone, I was an addicted young man. Very cute, very colourful and darn playable, it gains extra points for having some of wackiest baddies in a game ever (flying crocodiles, noodle bowls etc.). They don't make 'em like this anymore.

Zeewolf (1994, Amiga, Binary Asylum, 1 Player)

Now here's a lost classic and no mistaking. How I can keep it together whilst remeniscing here is something of a challenge, such was my love for this little shooter. Just seeing pictures of it now remind me how amazed I was at the whole look of it at the time (a rather strange isometric viewpoint was used, as well as unique polygon style graphics) - seeing the rolling landscape come into view and bombing various enemies with rare precision was a beautiful thing indeed. Think, a moody, darker version of Desert Strike and you won't be far off. Great stuff.

Why Did I Car Boot These?! (part one)

Many moons ago, when i was just out of short pants and had no money to speak of, I decided to do a car boot sale and get rid of my "clutter" and earn myself a few shillings. Quite why I considered some of my fave SNES and Megadrive games "clutter" I'll never know, I still regularly give myself sore shins by kicking myself repeatedly over such a bad decision. Anyway, I'm on the case to get them all back through various means, but some are harder to find than others, oh how I long to play these not-so-well remembered gems again - please come back to daddy........

Pocky & Rocky (1993, SNES, Natsume, 1-2 Players)

Saw it reviewed in Super Play in its Japanese incarnation Kikikikaikai (actual title!) and HAD to have it immediately but couldn't afford the ludicrous import fees so plumped for the US edition when it came out later. Superb 2-player overhead scrolling platform/shooter (think a cute Chaos Engine and you won't be far off) featuring a young girl (Pocky) and a fluffy raccoon (erm, Rocky) who have to battle through a myriad of Japanese-themed levels. Shamelessly forgotten and criminally under sold, copies are sparse - unfortunately for me. I'm pouting now.

Mario Paint (1992, SNES, Nintendo, 1 Player)

You know that cool music making gadget on the new DSi? Well it appeared in similar form some 17 years ago in the unique Mario Paint. I purchased it probably because it (a) had Mario's face on it, and (b) it came boxed with a free mouse. Quite why I was so impressed with a mouse when I already had one on my Amiga, I'm not sure, but I was won over enough to part with around £50 for the priveledge. Alongside cool music creating tools, you could do all sorts of things like, well paint really, that was kinda it, but it was all put together with that traditional Nintendo charm that we know and love. Now, I'm in no position to nit-pick the great Nintendo, but I do believe the option on not having any kind of print function may have been a small oversight...

Apidya (1992, Amiga & Atari ST, Team 17, 1-2 Players)

I love my sideways-scrolling shooters me. And I've never loved them more than when I was controlling an angry wasp around the ponds and fields of Apidya. Combining some cracking music (a feature of most of Team 17's games) with some lavish, beautiful graphics, it was a real underrated classic. Yes, it stole ideas from Gradius, Defender and R-Type but who cares when it's all done with such style?

Championship Jet Ski Simulator

Year : 1989

Format : Spectrum, C64, Amstrad

Developer : Codemasters

Publisher : Codemasters

Players : 1-2

"The best things in life are free" warbled Luther Vandross many moons ago, and whilst most of the time I would have to agree with the smooth soulster - around the summer of 1989 "The best things in life are priced at a very agreeable £1.99" would have been spot on. For it was the summer of Championship Jet Ski Simulator on my dear old Speccy. Having been disappointed by their earlier BMX Simulator release (which is still however, regarded as the best in the Codemasters' Sim series), I still stumped up the £2 thanks to some exciting looking screenshots on the back of the cassette (yes, believe it or not, I WAS excited by these) and oh, how I enjoyed it so.

Despite its complete inability to guarantee loading (it was always something of a lottery loading CJSS - the most regular sight in my bedroom during 1989 was me with fingers crossed and face full of expectation looking at a TV screen making horrible ear-bleeding noises), when it finally came up trumps I had to be wrestled off my Sinclair joystick to go and have my tea - my knuckles white due to overplay, my pupils expanded due to excessive squinting at tiny jet ski's bobbing around a course, my ears ringing with the constant "plink-plonk" sound as I bounced my jet ski off harbour, boat and bhoys aplenty. It was just so addictive, especially in two-player mode - controlling one of four jet ski's (and for jet ski's, read one of four arrow-shaped things) around a circular course, making sure you correctly went through the numbered segments in order to win and move onto the next circuit. Simple stuff but god I loved it so.

Of course as the years went on, we were treated to stuff like Wave Race on the N64, with its colourful, impressive graphics and amazing wave effects. But give me a bash at the CJSS on the Speccy anyday and I'll grin from ear to ear I promise you. It's a good job the main folk at Codemasters were the Darling brothers, I'd be calling them Darling anyway if I ever met them...

Sensible World of Soccer

Year : 1994

Format : Amiga, PC

Developer : Sensible Software

Publisher : GT Interactive

Players : 1-2

As a teenager, my copious amounts of free time was not spent sneaking into pubs and x-rated movies, nor was it trying to smoke or learn Kurt Cobain's lyrics off by heart - no, for me it was spent in my bedroom with my Amiga 1200 overheating to the excessive play of Sensible World of Soccer. As you can probably guess, I wasn't exactly the coolest of kids, but in my own little world as manager of a tiny, pixellated Arsenal team, I was THE MAN.

You see, SWOS absorbed me into a world I never knew (or have since), where you get so immersed in a game, it all begins to matter so much. So very, very much. Days at college were spent pondering whether to buy that left-back from Finland, whether to add another man to our counter-attacks, or whether I should be swayed by the yachts and subsequent women a job at AS Monaco would surely bring if I were to accept their job offer. Needless to say, my GCSE results were not of "academic" standard...

It certainly overwhelmed footie fans with its amazing depth and detail, the original Sensi had been quite simply the best game of football you could play with joystick in hand (itself, relegating Dino Dini's Kick Off series into non-league status), but this was in another league altogether. One of about 5,000 to be precise, for SWOS catered for players and teams the world over. You name them, they were included - from Barnet to Arsenal to AC Milan through to the wonderfully named Ghanaian giants Hearts of Oak (although Players of Cack would have been a more accurate moniker), all with correct names and values - it was a footie nuts' dream.

But what of the game itself? Pure addictive heaven, that's what. By starting a career mode, you could manage or player/manage your team of choice through 20 seasons, moving onto pastures new if you became successful (even national team jobs came up, letting you literally hand-pick your squads for each international game - hooray, no more Emile Heskey!). A brilliantly designed tactics board was also made available, where you could place the ball anywhere on the pitch and assort your players accordingly, meaning you could finely tune every single move on the pitch - revolutionary and not bettered since.

And whilst most games these days require you to pull off moves via button combos only a double-jointed gymnast could handle, SWOS had one button needed. Yep, just the one - "kick". God bless you Sensi. Outrageous aftertouch could be added though after you'd booted the ball, culminating in cracking banana efforts bending into top corners, and superb slide-rule passes being glided through to onrunning attackers. The matches went from end to end like a basketball game, with sliding tackles, brave headers and physics-defying shots flying in all over the place - the sheer charm and charisma of it all simply cannot be underestimated.

Whilst the later-released PC version was perfectly respectable (and scores extra points for having Jonathan Pearce commentating - particular glee came in the form of slotting home a penalty and him musing "oohh, the iceman cometh"), as is XBox Live's recent installment, it never felt the same unless it was being played on the old Amiga (same goes for the original Sensi - the Megadrive and SNES versions just couldn't quite cut it). I'm also sending my hat into the air to Sensible Software for putting together one of the great magazine cover-disk freebies ever in "Cannon Soccer" - a mash-up of Sensi and Cannon Fodder, where the ball was replaced by a hand-grenade which exploded at random times leaving less and less players on the pitch (the game came coloured in black and white, with England and Germany playing in the '66 World Cup strips. Genius)

The theme tune "goalscoring superstar hero" was annoyingly catchy, the attention to detail was phenomenal, the ability to suck you in was second-to-none - a Dyson in videogame form if you will, while the simplicity and the "just one more game before bed" playability was not surpassed by anything on the Amiga. As Pro Evo and FIFA go head-to-head each October trying to become the most realistic footie sim ever, for some its like two bald men fighting over a comb - a sad and pointless task. Some would think that particular competition ended some fifteen years ago. I'm one of them.

Alex Kidd in Miracle World

Year : 1986

Format : Master System

Developer : Sega

Publisher : Sega

Players : 1

You've got to feel sorry for poor old Alex Kidd - once, a flagship mascot for Sega during the glory days of the Master System, the world was his oyster. Then, along came a certain Mr Hedgehog to grab the media attention and plaudits and young Alex was left by the wayside - neglected and forgotten, with only his bowl of rice and huge sideburns for company. Bless.

Quite why I'm feeling bad for the pint-sized scamp is something of a mystery. Very few games have me pulling my hair (not Alex-style sideburns, thankfully) out as much as his particular colourful romps - the very worst culprit being the Miracle World installment. Equipped with fists of steel and ears of Spock, Alex must toddle along (or swim in some segments) sixteen levels of platform style tomfoolery - deciphering puzzles, smashing through walls and destroying weird-looking folk along the way. Ah, yes, it's traditional fare platforming, but Sega know the genre like the back of it's hand and a super little game hides underneath it all.

But now, to the hair pulling - boss battles are won not by judgement, skill and finely-tuned reflexes but by sheer luck via the form of a rock/paper/scissors game. Win two out of the three contests and its a victorious move onto the next stage, lose and you're shoved back to the start of the level. Now call me a nit-picker, but isn't that a little unfair? This game alone improved my swearing vocabulary by some 500% (and I was only ten when it came out) - it's amazing how creative one can be with the English language when forced to swim through another level of vein-popping trickiness because some weirdo has pointed a pair of animated scissors at you. C'mon Sega, what did we do to you?

But, despite this, you keep on coming back for more due to the irresistible charm of it all. Yes, Alex may look like he's just 'dropped an E', be wearing those dungarees with a little too much enjoyment, and annoy you with his dinner eating after each succesful level (eating rice with chopsticks? smug little git) but he's running around a little Miracle World that's so adorable you can't help but have another go. And another. And another.

Castle of Illusion Starring Mickey Mouse

Year : 1990

Format : Megadrive, Master System, Game Gear, Saturn.

Developer : Sega

Publisher : Sega

Players : 1

With decent Disney games proving to rarer than hen's teeth, let us take a moment to applaude Sega for their superb Mickey Mouse-starring Castle of Illusion. Beautifully crafted and also to look at, I can recall being literally open-mouthed when my friend first showed me it on his Megadrive. I HAD to have it. There and then. In fact I whinged so much to him that he let me take his Megadrive and Mickey home with me that very evening, something he refutes that he ever did to this day. I can see his point, I'd never have let it out of my sight, it was that good.

The general premise is to rescue Minnie from the evil Mizrabel (nice name, can you see what they've done there?..) from within the said castle. Side-scrolling platform action ensues, with levels superbly put together and the difficulty curve set just right (although some head hair I believe was pulled out later in the game as things got mighty tricky). The look of the whole package is dripping with quality, and the attention to detail throughout is of a very high order, something that's too often not the case in hastily thrown together licensed games.

Whether you are taking your chances in the mysterious woods, with huge leaves and spider webs to negotiate, or bouncing around the ultra-colourful toy and sweet-related level (warning! sunglasses needed!) where you'll only find more pink at a Hello Kitty convention, it is fun fun fun all the way. So utterly charming is it, that I have just as many fond memories of this as I do Sega's next big platform release - a certain Sonic The Hedgehog. So, if you've never indulged yourself, why not see if you can buy and old copy and give it a whirl, failing that just have a whine and whinge to your pal until he gives in and tells you to just take it...