I Remember Playing That!

Legend of the Mystical Ninja

2010-03-26T09:39:00.008Z

Year: 1991

Format: Super Nintendo

Developer: Konami

Publisher: Konami

Players: 1-2

Legend of the Mystical Ninja is something of a significant title in the history of video game culture, despite it falling into the ‘obscure Japanese oddity’ category. You see, upon its release in Japan in 1991 (under the moniker Ganbare Goemon: Yukihime Kyuushutsu Emaki, no less), it was raved about endlessly by magazines like Super Play, who were enticed by its character, charm and sheer playability – but it was SO Japanese it would surely remain an expensive import. Well it took three years, but eventually Konami saw sense and it finally got its UK release - it went on to acquire a loyal fanbase and we’ve never looked back. Confidence from such games selling relatively well, meant companies were more open to releasing those obscure titles they originally thought too localised to see the light of day outside Japan – think Secret of Mana and Breath of Fire II on the SNES, and titles like Beautiful Katamari and Rhythm Paradise today.

So, on the face of it, Goemon is a regular if quirky little platformer, but dig deep and you realise we have a lot to thank this little gem for. But even without its heroic status in my eyes, it would still stand up as an absolute classic. Here’s a challenge for you out there, download it on the Wii Virtual Console, start playing it and don’t smile. Go on, I dare you. If you manage it, I regret to inform you that your heart is made of pure stone. As from the very first scene to the last, Goemon is packed to the rafters with cute grin-inducing moments – you just want to pick it up and give it a big hug. Goemon himself is animated superbly, with a portly frame and a mess of blue hair, and your pals, enemies and locations are all equally likeable.

The gameplay itself is part platform, part RPG, part beat-em-up if there is such a thing. Waddling around the levels, smacking your enemies into oblivion is the main order of the day, but there are adventure-style elements to work out, and many a shop to enter and indulge in - one such shop has the whole first level of that other Konami classic Gradius to play! (I hate using the exclamation mark but seriously, if this doesn’t deserve one you may as well ban exclamation marks altogether). Japan-themed tunes bounce along merrily in the background, and the graphics are extremely vibrant – full of life and oriental charm. This game couldn’t be any more Japanese if it came doused in wasabi sauce and the cart came scented with cherry blossom.

The Goemon series is still ticking over nicely. Based on a long-running anime series - it saw releases on the NES prior to Mystical Ninja and has spawned nearly 20 different games on various formats since. Yet none quite match the charm of this amazing little game (shown by the fact only one other title subsequently got a UK release – Mystical Ninja on the N64). Spend a few quid and track it down or download it – you won’t be disappointed. Oh, and if you failed the smile test earlier – play it two-player, climb on Goemon’s back and let him carry you round the level, whacking people carrying big fish. There you go, I knew you had a smile in you.

Why Did I Car Boot These?! (Part Two)

2009-07-15T10:18:00.006+01:00

Cloud Master (1989, Master System, PC Engine & NES, Taito, 1 Player)

You gotta love Taito, first they bring us Bubble Bobble and other well-known classics like New Zealand Story and Operation Wolf and Chase HQ and...(list goes on), but they also are a dab hand at the "classic little game that no one remembers" niche. One such example is Cloud Master, a sideways scrolling shooter where you control a little boy on cloud funnily enough. My Master System overheated terribly thanks to this little gem alone, I was an addicted young man. Very cute, very colourful and darn playable, it gains extra points for having some of wackiest baddies in a game ever (flying crocodiles, noodle bowls etc.). They don't make 'em like this anymore.

Zeewolf (1994, Amiga, Binary Asylum, 1 Player)

Now here's a lost classic and no mistaking. How I can keep it together whilst remeniscing here is something of a challenge, such was my love for this little shooter. Just seeing pictures of it now remind me how amazed I was at the whole look of it at the time (a rather strange isometric viewpoint was used, as well as unique polygon style graphics) - seeing the rolling landscape come into view and bombing various enemies with rare precision was a beautiful thing indeed. Think, a moody, darker version of Desert Strike and you won't be far off. Great stuff.

Why Did I Car Boot These?! (part one)

2009-06-29T17:54:00.012+01:00

Many moons ago, when i was just out of short pants and had no money to speak of, I decided to do a car boot sale and get rid of my "clutter" and earn myself a few shillings. Quite why I considered some of my fave SNES and Megadrive games "clutter" I'll never know, I still regularly give myself sore shins by kicking myself repeatedly over such a bad decision. Anyway, I'm on the case to get them all back through various means, but some are harder to find than others, oh how I long to play these not-so-well remembered gems again - please come back to daddy........

Pocky & Rocky (1993, SNES, Natsume, 1-2 Players)

Saw it reviewed in Super Play in its Japanese incarnation Kikikikaikai (actual title!) and HAD to have it immediately but couldn't afford the ludicrous import fees so plumped for the US edition when it came out later. Superb 2-player overhead scrolling platform/shooter (think a cute Chaos Engine and you won't be far off) featuring a young girl (Pocky) and a fluffy raccoon (erm, Rocky) who have to battle through a myriad of Japanese-themed levels. Shamelessly forgotten and criminally under sold, copies are sparse - unfortunately for me. I'm pouting now.

Mario Paint (1992, SNES, Nintendo, 1 Player)

You know that cool music making gadget on the new DSi? Well it appeared in similar form some 17 years ago in the unique Mario Paint. I purchased it probably because it (a) had Mario's face on it, and (b) it came boxed with a free mouse. Quite why I was so impressed with a mouse when I already had one on my Amiga, I'm not sure, but I was won over enough to part with around £50 for the priveledge. Alongside cool music creating tools, you could do all sorts of things like, well paint really, that was kinda it, but it was all put together with that traditional Nintendo charm that we know and love. Now, I'm in no position to nit-pick the great Nintendo, but I do believe the option on not having any kind of print function may have been a small oversight...

Apidya (1992, Amiga & Atari ST, Team 17, 1-2 Players)

I love my sideways-scrolling shooters me. And I've never loved them more than when I was controlling an angry wasp around the ponds and fields of Apidya. Combining some cracking music (a feature of most of Team 17's games) with some lavish, beautiful graphics, it was a real underrated classic. Yes, it stole ideas from Gradius, Defender and R-Type but who cares when it's all done with such style?

Championship Jet Ski Simulator

2009-06-17T07:25:00.005+01:00

Year : 1989

Format : Spectrum, C64, Amstrad

Developer : Codemasters

Publisher : Codemasters

Players : 1-2

"The best things in life are free" warbled Luther Vandross many moons ago, and whilst most of the time I would have to agree with the smooth soulster - around the summer of 1989 "The best things in life are priced at a very agreeable £1.99" would have been spot on. For it was the summer of Championship Jet Ski Simulator on my dear old Speccy. Having been disappointed by their earlier BMX Simulator release (which is still however, regarded as the best in the Codemasters' Sim series), I still stumped up the £2 thanks to some exciting looking screenshots on the back of the cassette (yes, believe it or not, I WAS excited by these) and oh, how I enjoyed it so.

Despite its complete inability to guarantee loading (it was always something of a lottery loading CJSS - the most regular sight in my bedroom during 1989 was me with fingers crossed and face full of expectation looking at a TV screen making horrible ear-bleeding noises), when it finally came up trumps I had to be wrestled off my Sinclair joystick to go and have my tea - my knuckles white due to overplay, my pupils expanded due to excessive squinting at tiny jet ski's bobbing around a course, my ears ringing with the constant "plink-plonk" sound as I bounced my jet ski off harbour, boat and bhoys aplenty. It was just so addictive, especially in two-player mode - controlling one of four jet ski's (and for jet ski's, read one of four arrow-shaped things) around a circular course, making sure you correctly went through the numbered segments in order to win and move onto the next circuit. Simple stuff but god I loved it so.

Of course as the years went on, we were treated to stuff like Wave Race on the N64, with its colourful, impressive graphics and amazing wave effects. But give me a bash at the CJSS on the Speccy anyday and I'll grin from ear to ear I promise you. It's a good job the main folk at Codemasters were the Darling brothers, I'd be calling them Darling anyway if I ever met them...

Sensible World of Soccer

2009-06-16T21:46:00.006+01:00

Year : 1994

Format : Amiga, PC

Developer : Sensible Software

Publisher : GT Interactive

Players : 1-2

As a teenager, my copious amounts of free time was not spent sneaking into pubs and x-rated movies, nor was it trying to smoke or learn Kurt Cobain's lyrics off by heart - no, for me it was spent in my bedroom with my Amiga 1200 overheating to the excessive play of Sensible World of Soccer. As you can probably guess, I wasn't exactly the coolest of kids, but in my own little world as manager of a tiny, pixellated Arsenal team, I was THE MAN.

You see, SWOS absorbed me into a world I never knew (or have since), where you get so immersed in a game, it all begins to matter so much. So very, very much. Days at college were spent pondering whether to buy that left-back from Finland, whether to add another man to our counter-attacks, or whether I should be swayed by the yachts and subsequent women a job at AS Monaco would surely bring if I were to accept their job offer. Needless to say, my GCSE results were not of "academic" standard...

It certainly overwhelmed footie fans with its amazing depth and detail, the original Sensi had been quite simply the best game of football you could play with joystick in hand (itself, relegating Dino Dini's Kick Off series into non-league status), but this was in another league altogether. One of about 5,000 to be precise, for SWOS catered for players and teams the world over. You name them, they were included - from Barnet to Arsenal to AC Milan through to the wonderfully named Ghanaian giants Hearts of Oak (although Players of Cack would have been a more accurate moniker), all with correct names and values - it was a footie nuts' dream.

But what of the game itself? Pure addictive heaven, that's what. By starting a career mode, you could manage or player/manage your team of choice through 20 seasons, moving onto pastures new if you became successful (even national team jobs came up, letting you literally hand-pick your squads for each international game - hooray, no more Emile Heskey!). A brilliantly designed tactics board was also made available, where you could place the ball anywhere on the pitch and assort your players accordingly, meaning you could finely tune every single move on the pitch - revolutionary and not bettered since.

And whilst most games these days require you to pull off moves via button combos only a double-jointed gymnast could handle, SWOS had one button needed. Yep, just the one - "kick". God bless you Sensi. Outrageous aftertouch could be added though after you'd booted the ball, culminating in cracking banana efforts bending into top corners, and superb slide-rule passes being glided through to onrunning attackers. The matches went from end to end like a basketball game, with sliding tackles, brave headers and physics-defying shots flying in all over the place - the sheer charm and charisma of it all simply cannot be underestimated.

Whilst the later-released PC version was perfectly respectable (and scores extra points for having Jonathan Pearce commentating - particular glee came in the form of slotting home a penalty and him musing "oohh, the iceman cometh"), as is XBox Live's recent installment, it never felt the same unless it was being played on the old Amiga (same goes for the original Sensi - the Megadrive and SNES versions just couldn't quite cut it). I'm also sending my hat into the air to Sensible Software for putting together one of the great magazine cover-disk freebies ever in "Cannon Soccer" - a mash-up of Sensi and Cannon Fodder, where the ball was replaced by a hand-grenade which exploded at random times leaving less and less players on the pitch (the game came coloured in black and white, with England and Germany playing in the '66 World Cup strips. Genius)

The theme tune "goalscoring superstar hero" was annoyingly catchy, the attention to detail was phenomenal, the ability to suck you in was second-to-none - a Dyson in videogame form if you will, while the simplicity and the "just one more game before bed" playability was not surpassed by anything on the Amiga. As Pro Evo and FIFA go head-to-head each October trying to become the most realistic footie sim ever, for some its like two bald men fighting over a comb - a sad and pointless task. Some would think that particular competition ended some fifteen years ago. I'm one of them.

Alex Kidd in Miracle World

2009-06-07T11:44:00.006+01:00

Year : 1986

Format : Master System

Developer : Sega

Publisher : Sega

Players : 1

You've got to feel sorry for poor old Alex Kidd - once, a flagship mascot for Sega during the glory days of the Master System, the world was his oyster. Then, along came a certain Mr Hedgehog to grab the media attention and plaudits and young Alex was left by the wayside - neglected and forgotten, with only his bowl of rice and huge sideburns for company. Bless.

Quite why I'm feeling bad for the pint-sized scamp is something of a mystery. Very few games have me pulling my hair (not Alex-style sideburns, thankfully) out as much as his particular colourful romps - the very worst culprit being the Miracle World installment. Equipped with fists of steel and ears of Spock, Alex must toddle along (or swim in some segments) sixteen levels of platform style tomfoolery - deciphering puzzles, smashing through walls and destroying weird-looking folk along the way. Ah, yes, it's traditional fare platforming, but Sega know the genre like the back of it's hand and a super little game hides underneath it all.

But now, to the hair pulling - boss battles are won not by judgement, skill and finely-tuned reflexes but by sheer luck via the form of a rock/paper/scissors game. Win two out of the three contests and its a victorious move onto the next stage, lose and you're shoved back to the start of the level. Now call me a nit-picker, but isn't that a little unfair? This game alone improved my swearing vocabulary by some 500% (and I was only ten when it came out) - it's amazing how creative one can be with the English language when forced to swim through another level of vein-popping trickiness because some weirdo has pointed a pair of animated scissors at you. C'mon Sega, what did we do to you?

But, despite this, you keep on coming back for more due to the irresistible charm of it all. Yes, Alex may look like he's just 'dropped an E', be wearing those dungarees with a little too much enjoyment, and annoy you with his dinner eating after each succesful level (eating rice with chopsticks? smug little git) but he's running around a little Miracle World that's so adorable you can't help but have another go. And another. And another.

Castle of Illusion Starring Mickey Mouse

2009-05-19T12:39:00.004+01:00

Year : 1990

Format : Megadrive, Master System, Game Gear, Saturn.

Developer : Sega

Publisher : Sega

Players : 1

With decent Disney games proving to rarer than hen's teeth, let us take a moment to applaude Sega for their superb Mickey Mouse-starring Castle of Illusion. Beautifully crafted and also to look at, I can recall being literally open-mouthed when my friend first showed me it on his Megadrive. I HAD to have it. There and then. In fact I whinged so much to him that he let me take his Megadrive and Mickey home with me that very evening, something he refutes that he ever did to this day. I can see his point, I'd never have let it out of my sight, it was that good.

The general premise is to rescue Minnie from the evil Mizrabel (nice name, can you see what they've done there?..) from within the said castle. Side-scrolling platform action ensues, with levels superbly put together and the difficulty curve set just right (although some head hair I believe was pulled out later in the game as things got mighty tricky). The look of the whole package is dripping with quality, and the attention to detail throughout is of a very high order, something that's too often not the case in hastily thrown together licensed games.

Whether you are taking your chances in the mysterious woods, with huge leaves and spider webs to negotiate, or bouncing around the ultra-colourful toy and sweet-related level (warning! sunglasses needed!) where you'll only find more pink at a Hello Kitty convention, it is fun fun fun all the way. So utterly charming is it, that I have just as many fond memories of this as I do Sega's next big platform release - a certain Sonic The Hedgehog. So, if you've never indulged yourself, why not see if you can buy and old copy and give it a whirl, failing that just have a whine and whinge to your pal until he gives in and tells you to just take it...

Ghostbusters

2009-05-08T10:44:00.009+01:00

Year : 1984

Format : Atari, Spectrum, Amstrad, C64, NES, Master System.

Developer : James Software

Publisher : Activision

Players : 1

WITH the imminent release of a brand-spanking new Ghostbusters game on the horizon, there's no better time to run the rule over the very first ghoul-zapping tie-in, released some 25 years ago.

The film was massively popular and any subsequent licensed videogame was going to sell stacks no matter what the quality (a problem that is never more true than now), fortunately Activision did a pretty decent job to bring it to our small screens - and what seems laughably poor now, I recall being pretty darn exciting 'back in the day'. To be fair, Activision didn't exactly help themselves out, with full page adverts claiming it to "follow the film with incredible accuracy", but they did their best to bring the spirit and humour of the film to us wannabe Venkman's.

The premise is basic, after equipping your vehicle with all kinds of gadgets (and all being loaded on by a little forklift truck being driven by an even tinier little man) you move around an overhead map of the city to the flashing building that's about to be spooked good and proper, and then once you've arrived it's time to try and trap the ghosts in your erm, traps. Of course it gets trickier and tricker as you progress around the city with more and more slimers doing their best to make your life a misery. Unbelievably, tedium does begin to set after ooh, around five minutes but its all so gloriously simple and well nurtured you can't help but love it.

No film license from 1984 could possibly be without its moments of comedy though, its attempts (on the Spectrum release anyway) to reproduce Ray Parker Jnr's theme tune are admirable but inevitably ear-bleedingly poor, and the frequent self-congratulatory shouts of "GHOSTBUSTERS!" when you trap your ghouls are akin to someone with tourette's bellowing down a cheaply manufactured megaphone. Play it or watch it online - I defy you not to crack a smile.

With so many film tie-ins being released week after week, so many fall by the wayside. The fact that Ghostbusters is so fondly remembered must count for something, it may be frustratingly basic and with less depth than a kiddy-pool, but it has undeniable charm and that certain something which makes it very much a cult game in my eyes. Mr Parker Jnr claimed regularly that he "aint afraid of no ghost", well I may not be either Ray, but I'm certainly a bit scared by the garish collision detection, laugh-out-loud audio and the fact that it cost me £9.99 for the privelidge. You gotta love it though...

Super Skidmarks

2009-04-23T21:00:00.005+01:00

Year :1995

Format : Amiga, Megadrive.

Publisher : Acid Software

Developer : Acid Software

Players : 1-4

First impressions aren't everything you know, the first time I watched Aston Villa in 1986, as a ten year-old, I declared them to be "the team for me", the first time I heard Haddaway's "What Is Love?" I thought it was the greatest song ever (please be kind - I was young and foolish) and my first thoughts when seeing the loading and menu screens in Super Skidmarks where along the lines of "this is one huge waste of money". But, thankfully after a while clarity began to set in, Aston Villa were dumped within a week for Arsenal, "What Is Love?" spent fifteen years in a cardboard box before being eBayed, and Super Skidmarks just happened to be a wonderful, wonderful thing.

Despite the ropey front-end (the Amiga Workbench style menus making the whole thing look like a Wall Street fopp's business report), once it was playing time it was such gloriously good fun your jaws ached from the smiling involved. From one to four players (get four involved and it's majestic), it was hard drivin' at its finest around the 12 twelve tracks (the original 12 from Skidmarks could be added as well).

The tracks - mostly variants on the figure-of-eight theme, were muddy, intricate and superbly balanced with jumps and high-banked corners adding to the excitement, while the cars themselves were corking little movers. Quite how the suspensions coped with it all, nobody knows - but they all bounced around in comical fashion (the wheels seemingly unattached to the car itself, cartoon style) and no matter what the machine (VW campervan, rally car, jeep, erm....car towing huge caravan) it handled brilliantly despite them all appearing to be driving on a freshly-polished ice rink. When I left the start/finish line for the first time I nearly gave myself super skidmarks due to the sudden burst of euphoria.

Pure fun in every aspect. This is a perfect template for what I mean when I say "they don't make them like this anymore". The premise is simple, the graphics smart, clear and effective, and the fun factor cranked up to the max (Probably best avoid the Megadrive version though - despite being a half-decent racer, it's not a patch on the Amiga original). Regularly however, I do very stupid things, and selling Super Skidmarks many years ago is right up there with the £9.99 I splashed out on Haddaway's debut album. We can, of course rectify these misdemeanours - god bless you, eBay...

Pinball Dreams

2009-04-17T18:47:00.008+01:00

Year : 1992

Format : Amiga, SNES, GBA, Game Gear

Publisher : 21st Century Entertainment

Developer : Digital Illusions

Players : 1-8

In general, pinball games score particularly highly on the "pointless-ometer" for me, sure they can be fun (actually, hardly any are fun, have you tried playing Sonic Spinball?), but wouldn't you rather actually be playing the real deal in some dingy pub somewhere where the local ale's are flowing freely? I know I would.

Anyway, one exception to the rule was the fantastic Pinball Dreams on the Amiga (other versions were released, but this version was the daddy) - combining great tables with slick presentation and great sound effects and music, it simply had it all. Digital Illusions really went to town on the whole design aspect, graphically it was top notch - everything looking smoother than a baby's rear-end. I can't remember too many Amiga games that I played repeatedly more than this and it's sequel Pinball Fantasies (possibly even better, but I won't go on about that yet, it'll feature one day soon no doubt). It just had that certain something that demands "just another go" whilst your dinner sits idly on the table next to you getting cold.

The best pinball games ever without a doubt (the scary Geiger-inspired Devil's Crush on PC-Engine runs it close however), with no weak link in it's four supreme tables - namely, Ignition (space, rockets, stars), Beat Box (records, musically themed), Steel Wheel (wild, wild west theme with steam locomotives - quality) and the excellent Nightmare (yep, you've guessed it - ghosts, ghouls and all things creepy). Pure 100% playability, that's what we like to see.

Mr Heli

2009-04-11T17:49:00.006+01:00

Year : 1987

Format : Arcade, Spectrum, C64, Amstrad, Amiga, Atari ST, PC-Engine

Publisher : Irem

Developer : Irem

Players : 1

Irem are forever on my metaphorical Christmas card list thanks to creating the timeless classic that is R-Type, but another lesser-known beaut in their canon was the wonderful Mr Heli (or boringly, Battle Chopper, in some arcades). Taking control of a cute, chunky orange helicopter, you had to fly around multi-directional scrolling levels blasting everything to smithereens, and collecting crystals which you could then use in the game shop to improve your arsenal of weaponry (oh, for more little shops in games nowadays - for the record, my fave game shops 1. Wonderboy III 2. Supercars II 3. The Chaos Engine).

In many ways, Mr Heli is the anti-R-Type - gameplay is fast and furious but all in a "shall I kill them horribly or cuddle them" kind of way, graphics are chunky and vibrant and the emphasis is entirely on fun and likeability. I'm basing this on the arcade version, which I pumped many a 20p into during the eighties - unfortunately, home conversions were by enlarge pretty poor in comparison (the 16-bit Amiga and Atari ST versions which should have been the brightest were a shoddy, rushed mess). However, as with a great deal of classics of the day, the PC-Engine take was almost faultless, it's a shame so few UK homes got a chance to enjoy it.

Secret of Mana

2009-04-08T20:09:00.017+01:00

Year : 1993

Format : SNES

Publisher : Square

Developer : Square

Players : 1-3

I'm not going to ramble on too much with this one. Just suffice to say it is one of the most beautiful games I've ever played, and this is coming from a gamer who will play pretty much anything, but mostly finds RPG's a little dull and nondescript. Not Mana, oh no. Right from the outset, it's just gorgeous to look at and play, and has a sweeping soundtrack that fits the mood perfectly. Square (the bods responsible for the massive Final Fantasy series), really pulled out all the stops, pushing the SNES to breaking point.

It's huge, it's engrossing to play and has a storyline that gets under your skin, it's a breath of fresh air for all those turn-based RPG yawn-fests. It's Secret of Mana and it's bloody brilliant. (Oh, and it is responsible for being the first game I ever bought thanks to an advertisement - the promotional material had no screenshots whatsoever, just very, very good artwork. Brave, but it worked - well, on me anyway)

Jaguar XJ220

2009-04-03T20:12:00.009+01:00

Year : 1992

Format : Amiga, Mega-CD

Developer : Core

Publisher : Core

Players : 1-2

Dripping with quality, and doing the actual car damn proud was Core Design's Jaguar XJ220. Released during the Amiga's purple patch, it took the baton that Gremlin Graphics' Lotus Esprit Turbo Challenge had set off with two years earlier and probably just about pipped the lot at the line in the race entitled "100m for Amiga racing games that all look and play roughly the same".

So what set it apart from the pack? Well, let's start with the opening title screen with the Jag rolling across the screen and revs up just enough to whet the appetite. The ensuing intro music sounds like Level 42 attempting the Seinfeld theme, and inexplicably - it's great! Now, lets continue with the music. Quite simply some of the finest featured in any Amiga game, from tranquil beats to some ravey-housey numbers that wouldn't have looked out of place in the Hacienda (well, maybe a little, I'm getting a bit excited here) - and the cherry on the cake was a little dashboard-style CD player where you could play any track at your own leisure. Not earth shattering today, but in 1992 totally refreshing and cool.

The game itself rolled along beautifully and cracked along at an impressive pace when you were going flat out. Scenery was functional and lovely to look at, as were the weather effects (especially the gloomy and slightly scary fog), while the addition of a track editor (again, barely ever heard of at the time) was sublime.

All in all - a top, top game that has everything you look for from a racing game - impressive front end, longevity through the extensive track selection and editor and above all else, it gives you a darn good race. Core, indeed.

Toobin'

2009-03-28T17:50:00.003Z

Year : 1988

Format : Arcade, Spectrum, C64, Amstrad, NES, GameBoy Colour

Developer : Atari

Publisher : Domark

Players : 1-2

I was so excited when this was getting converted to my faithful Spectrum. I'd seen screenshots of the arcade version in C+VG magazine a year or two earlier and it had stuck in my head - and it's not hard to see why - what other game looks like Toobin', eh?

Of course, it goes without saying that the Speccy version was utter pants, but that's not the point here, they don't have to be world beaters to get on this blog, just memorable - and memories Toobin' has in spades.

The general idea? To "toob" (if that's the phrase) the bleach-haired 'Bif' downstream against the your pal 'Jet' or the computer controlled 'Flotsam' (don't ask, no idea) in a straight race, whilst avoiding crocs, flying beer cans, your opponents dinghy and all manner of obstacles being hurled in your way. The action never really, well, started to be fair - and negotiating your way though the gates to the end goal whilst paddling past missiles and alligators unbelievably started to get a little samey after a while. Ho, hum. Damn C+VG for making it look so good - although it must have some charm, I want to play it again now even though I know I really, really don't.

Salamander

2009-03-28T17:21:00.008Z

Year : 1986
Format : Arcade, Spectrum, C64, NES, PC-Engine

Developer : Konami

Publisher : Konami

Players : 1-2

Part two of the Gradius series, Salamander (or the boringly named Life Force in the US) oozed class from start to finish. Part sideways scrolling shooter, part vertical, totally ace. Tough as nails though, I recall it being devilishly hard when playing alone - adding your pal to proceedings balanced things up a bit - just a bit, mind. It always stood out due to the bright, colourful early levels which although bubbly and pink - were anything but cute. This was not Pop 'n' Twin Bee.

Throw in a pumping soundtrack (which spawned an official CD release in later years) and some lovely, beefy power-ups which were nice and easy to collect (it was possible to have a massive arsenal of weapons at your disposal within seconds of starting the game) and you've got one almost flawless shooter. They don't make them like this anymore, more's the pity.

Yo! Joe!

2009-03-22T12:53:00.006Z

Year : 1993

Format : Amiga

Developer : Scipio

Publisher : Hudson Soft

Players : 1-2

2D platformers were ten-a-penny back in 1993, everyone wanted a slice of the 'run and jump' cake. With so many being released, many fell by the wayside and got forgotten - a crime, no less. One such case is Yo! Joe! on the Amiga, put together by the very good folks at Hudson (the people to thank for the Bomberman series), it was fairly well received at the time but sales were poor and many never even remember it being released.

Taking a mafiosa street-kid by the name of erm, Joe (and throwing in his mate Nat for good measure when in two-player mode), the general idea was to kick and punch your way around a myriad of huge, sprawling levels. And they were really huge levels - I remember wondering when level one was ever going to finish as I negotiated my way around a giant haunted castle. The levels are infested with some pretty evil adversaries - dracula clones, nasty spiders, skeletal dudes are all present - if you've ever wanted to kick a mutant bat in the face this was the game for you.

So many fond memories are conjured up when thinking of the great Yo! Joe!. For starters, the stocky, jumpsuit wearing Joe with his brylcreamed hair and wrap-round shades (credit to Hudson for making him likeable, from that description most people would have wanted the bat to be kicking him in the face), the beautifully crafted surroundings that make every jump and discovery a 'smile on face' moment and the quite superb soundtrack that bounced around in the background - quite possibly one of the finest examples of game music the 16-bit generation could muster.

As with most quality games, it's the little things that make you come back again and again, it's how Nintendo have made millions out of a certain plumber. Quite why Joe would want to take a quick soaking when walking past a stand-in shower during the haunted castle level nobody knows, but just try not doing it when you walk past the guest bedroom again. These little touches are littered throughout, and Hudson should be congratulated for that - too many games get released that are 'by the numbers' creations with barely a unique and refreshing moment within them, Joe has a jumpsuits-worth within five minutes of turning it on.

Dynamite Dux

2009-03-06T13:14:00.002Z

Year : 1988

Developer : Sega

Publisher : Sega

Formats : Arcade, Amstrad, C64, Spectrum, Amiga, Atari ST, Master System.

Players : 1-2

Sega created it and the hero in question was blue but we’re not talking about Sonic. Sorry my hedgehog friend, but as quick as you are, you were beaten comfortably onto the home consoles by a young duck named Bin. Yes, our feathered-friend in question was the star attraction in the arcade cutesy beat-em-up that was ‘Dynamite Dux’ – a lost classic if ever there was one and no mistaking.

Due to some rather shoddy console ports, Dux never really made a lasting impact and young Bin – along with his red buddy Pin (how lucky for him to find a best friend that rhymed) - ultimately lived up to his name and was promptly binned by Sega. And you thought Alex Kidd had it bad.

And what a tragedy it is, as it’s a cracking little game, full of humour, colour, weapons, and Colonel Sanders. Yes, that’s Colonel Sanders everyone! Not content with a cameo appearance during the first level (standing outside a KFC conveniently) he also crops up as referee during the between levels boxing match pointsathon. Eighties product placement was a thing of beauty wasn’t it?

It’s standard fare really, the sort of game you would imagine Sega would come up with whilst clipping their toenails, nothing new or extravagant, but it’s all done with such love that you can’t help but want to give it a big hug. Bin himself is a wide-eyed yet confident little duck, and a rather dapper one at that – he sports a natty bow tie throughout. The enemies range from the sublime to the downright bizarre – pigs on trolleys, dogs with no limbs, crazy laughing crocodiles, it’s all like a really bad episode of Animal Hospital. All of whom you can’t help but smile at whilst you bomb them, rocket launch them or simply punch them (holding down fire unleashes a cartoon-style oversized upper cut. Lovely) to smithereens. My favourite bad guy (and in my top five bad guys of all time) is the recurring giant ball of fire that spits out little bug-eyed flame babies that all need to be soaked with your water gun – you know you have to dispense with him, but you just don’t want to.

Levels range from the opening street setting through jungles and cities in its six lovingly crafted stages. Bosses are a little repetitive, but serve their purpose, and the general level layout is a thing of beauty, as is the music which bops along in an upbeat fashion throughout. The added bonus of a two-player game (using the help of the aforementioned Pin) is simply the cherry on the cake for this tasty little gem.

Now, playing the arcade game to death as I did, I found the home versions a little disappointing – most omitted the two-player game and some of the basic moves and enemies were scaled down to leave you with a slightly slower game. The poor old Spectrum version tries its hardest but the complete lack of colour (such a selling point of the game) leaves it looking pretty lame – plus some of the sound effects are akin to a bag of nails being dropped though a paper shredder. The Master System and Amiga versions were passable though (although Bin’s quiff would appear to have been trimmed), but it was the original arcade game that still leaves me full of teary-eyed nostalgia. You can have all your photo-realistic high spec games of today, but if I saw Dynamite Dux next to them all in my local arcade, I know which one would be getting my hard-earned 20pences.

720 Degrees

2009-03-03T16:37:00.000Z

Year : 1986
Format : C64,Spectrum, Amstrad, NES, GameBoy, Arcade Developer : Atari
Publisher : Atari
Players : 1

AH, yes the mid-eighties. When shin-high trainers and wild, unkempt mullets were all the rage for wannabe sporty-types. Fads and crazes came and went almost on a weekly basis (thankfully the mullet went and never came back), one of which stayed the course longer than most was the trendy art of skateboarding. In fact, whilst at school I can remember one particularly ‘rad’ classmate mooching about with a ‘Skateboarding is not a crime’ sticker emblazed on his school bag. He would of course, have looked slightly more ‘rad’ if his mum hadn’t dropped him to school every morning and kissed him as he joined us all off the bus.

Anyway, the point I’m failing to make here is that skateboarding had slowly begun to take over the world – particularly in the demographic of boys aged ten to sixteen. Atari – never ones to miss a trick, thrust 720˚ (that’s two 360˚ mid-air turns fact-fans) into the arcades when using those four tiny wheels was at the peak of its popularity. The game was rather eye-opening at the time I seem to remember, delusions of hammering around the local area like Marty McFly in Back To The Future were set to become reality, and all for 20p a go at the local Magic City. I played it until my gaming knees were red raw, and continued the love affair when it was faithfully converted to home systems the next year.

The general premise of the game was to take your little skater man around the local neighbourhood, performing jumps and tricks along the way, and eventually rolling up at some specific events such as slalom racing, downhill time trials on some shoddily-constructed ramps and some classic half-pipe shenanigans (which California Games would jump on board with soon after). By collecting medals and money by completing these tasks, you were able to upgrade your gear and work your way through the now rather repetitive storyline. In a bid to mix things up a bit, there was a small timer counting down as you freewheeled around the map. When it was time up, a pack of killer hornets arrived and chased you around, as the call of “Skate Or Die!” went up on-screen. They didn’t mince their words back in the day did they? It was only then, when you had to desperately try and find a quick skate park before getting your rear-end pierced, that the adrenalin really started pumping.

Deciding to go for the slightly weird diagonal viewpoint that made Paperboy so unique, 720˚ still looked particularly smart and was an incredibly smooth mover. The arcade version especially succeeded in being the cool mass of machinery Atari set it out to be – speakers above you in a boom-box type arrangement, loose-circular joystick to roll your skater around with, over the top graphics on the unit showing off just some of the moves that I get a hernia these days from just looking at.

All home computer versions were relatively well received at the time, and upon playing its rebirth on the Midway Arcade Treasures compilation for the PS2 a few years ago, I found myself (a) picking up from where I left off 20 years ago - this was indeed, a rare instance where being on a skateboard was like riding a bike, and (b) pressing Mute on the remote within seconds, as memories of the original soundtrack making my ears bleed came flooding back. I was also always amused by the little skater’s fondness for his turquoise ensemble, including cap (and what a cap! The front ‘bill’ segment of the cap has some severe bending going on – very impressive).

Not many games can genuinely be labelled ground breaking but 720˚ definitely comes into that category. The very first extreme sports game ever released, it set a trend that Tony Hawk is benefiting from to this very day – if only he could make the turquoise shorts and cap outfit work as well, then we’d have a game and a half…

EXTREME SPORTS? EXTREME PANTS

It wasn't always 720 and California Games you know...

ATV SIMULATOR (Spec/Am/C64, 1987) was the weakest of the Codemasters’ Simulator series. So weak in fact, it was on a life-support machine. Featured chunky, unresponsive buggies that got completely stuck if you wedged them in the wrong place mid-level. Thanks for that guys. EDDIE KIDD’S JUMP CHALLENGE pictured here (Acorn/BBC/ Spec/C64, 1985) was an extremely limited daredevil abomination. To be fair you’d already passed the first gruelling challenge - paying £6.95 for it. CALIFORNIA GAMES 2 (MS/SNES/AMIGA, 1993) was the somewhat off-the-wall sequel to the great California Games. Quirky to the max, it featured un-PC gags aplenty (blood got splattered everywhere, get the hand-gliding wrong and you were met with the scoreboard stating “Cliff 1 Glider 0”, smash your poor skateboarder up on the half-pipe and you were inexplicably left to watch your family standing over your grave whilst a funeral march plays in the background!). Scores points aplenty for being so bizarre. Loses them all however, for being totally crap.

Super Soccer

2009-03-03T15:54:00.000Z

Year : 1992
Format : Super Nintendo
Developer : Human Entertainment
Publisher : Nintendo
Players : 1-2

REALISTIC, beautiful, long-lasting and politically correct are just some of the terms you wouldn’t use when reminiscing over the flawed but charming Super Soccer on the SNES. As one of the machines first releases in the UK it has held something of a cult status since most people probably owned it from day one. But why? It was chunky to look at, extremely limited (one tournament mode. That’s yer lot folks), had set routines where you could score EVERY time and was unrealistic to the extreme. However, there was one department where it had few equals. It was a huge, pure slice of fun. Fun spelled out with a big bold capital F. In huge ten foot neon lights. Flashing on and off like a Vegas casino.

Developed by Japanese company Human (responsible for some pretty cool arcade games during the 80’s and 90’s including the FirePro Wrestling series), it never tried to be anything other than arcade football at its finest. The world of true arcade football is a little different to the real one and the games that try to replicate it – in arcade world, goals are only scored through chunky-thighed strikers with auburn mullets via the medium of flying scissor kick or outrageous banana shot. Keepers tend goal through Superman-like dives alone and tackling is restricted to excruciating fouls and elbows to the face. It’s an ugly world, arcade football – but god is it fun.

As you can see from the title screen, the front end was informative and erm, nothing else really - a slow chimp could negotiate his way through the option screens. 16 International teams were for the offing, ranging from the tough Italy, Germany and Brazil down to lowly Belgium. Upon selecting the teams you were 'treated' to a graphic of the two sides running onto the pitch and indulging in what looked like some formation hop-scotch. Beautiful in its own way.

The main contentious matter was the viewpoint with which the games were played. Where Sensible Soccer went for the ‘high and handsome’ view (seats at Wembley, roughly £100), and Pro Evolution opted for ‘medium-height on halfway line’ area (again, pricey seats at around £80), Super Soccer decided to be revolutionary and plump for straight behind one of the two goals (bargain basement seats at £15-£20, this says it all really). It meant that kicking away from the screen was fine and dandy, where as kicking towards the screen was like shooting with a blindfold on, as the actual net never materialised until you were bearing down on the goalkeeper. Of course, with some time and effort you got that sixth sense that all the great strikers have of ‘knowing where the goal is’, and the old onion-bag was bulged regularly but Human please, you didn’t half make it hard for us.

The ball (approximately twice the size of players’ heads) stuck to your feet like glue, and when dribbling it was possible to swerve past the vicious incoming tackles by hovering in mid-air with ball-attached-to-foot like a ballerina. Games were fast, grotesquely brutal (shoulders-first challenges were met with a shout of something incomprehensible like “shove off” by the assailant), and enormously enjoyable. Goals were scored usually by bending in from long range, or approaching from an angle and finding the near post as the subsequent keeper dived two feet over the ball like a bodyguard saving the Presidents stomach from a flying bullet, and games regularly finished with scores into double figures. If matches ended all square, a superb penalty shootout would take place, not even Pro Evo has got the fine art of penalty drama down as well as this did.

I always found Germany to be hard as nails, with their number 10 (usually the star player for every side) Lotar a particular menace. With only 5 letters available for every player name, Human got out their 'Big Book Of Stereotypical Male Names' book and assigned them accordingly. Therefore, for the Germans you also had Franz, Rudi and Hans, the Japanese had Yoshi and Akira, the Argentinians Jose, Diego, Luis and Pedro and the Italians Gino, Rocco, Mauro and Romeo. Curiously for Italy, Human evidently ran fresh out of names as the bench was regularly warmed by Vince, Cyril and Basil – somehow I doubt whether Don Cyril was ever taken seriously in the Italian mafia. The big-haired Colombian goalkeeper was even named Loco, and bared an uncanny resemblance to their crazy early nineties custodian Rene Higuita.

It was certainly flawed and somewhat haphazard, but Super Soccer has lived long in the memory thanks to of all of its little eccentricities and charm. What other football games give you as many amusing player names, crazy bending shots, disgusting fouls and a card-happy referee who looks like the lovechild of Humpty Dumpty and the Fat Controller from Thomas the Tank Engine? Exactly.